I know. I am committing parenting harakiri by speaking the unspoken, writing the unwritten, and by even thinking the unthinkable. Honestly, though, there are times when I have been envious of those with only 1 kid and particularly of those where that one kid is a reasonably older, say 7-8-years old kid. Allow me to explain by starting with a disclaimer.
I love both my children. A lot. That I love my kids is not up for debate. That I would do absolutely anything for them, is a truism about which I needn’t even have written. That my life is immeasurably filled with many-an-awwww moments is unmistakably true also. I am not saying I am choosing one kid over the other but what I am saying is that, in all honesty, there are some times I wish I only had one kid. Either one will do. Just one.
Life would have been much “easier” with just one kid:
- I would only have been 10 pounds overweight (instead of 20).
- I would not have had as many dark circles or grey in my hair (the other day, I even found a white eyebrow hair!! WTH!)
- We could have easily continued to live in this 2 bdr/2 bth rental home much, much longer since the one kid could have her or his own room while the parents shared the main bedroom.
- We would have had less clutter, as it is now, we have toys of two different age groups all over the place.
- I would only need to worry about half the number of outside germs coming in.
- Once that one kid was toilet trained, I would not have to worry about starting that darned process all over again.
- Once that one kid was properly sleeping through the night, I would have gotten my sanity and sleep back.
- Daycare/baby-sitting/preschool/school or spending on education in general, would not be such a big deal with one kid. Heck, we could perhaps even afford to send that one kid to private school.
- Airline tickets to India or anywhere really, would be less by one child. Now we have to spend nearly $5k-6k for just one international trip.
- I could focus on the one child completely instead of always feeling like a failure as a mother in trying to divide my attention fairly between two.
- Once that one kid started preschool or even better, full day school, my time would be my time. I could go on job interviews, get a mani-pedi, go to the bathroom, or take a shower ALONE.
- As parents of one kid, we would always outnumber the kid at best or be in a 1:1 dynamic at worst.
The financial aspect of raising two kids while being a SAHM is obvious but there are other, more practical reasons too and I outline some of them above. I am sure there are other reasons I could think of but the times that I feel envious of those with one child are exactly when I feel guilty about not giving either of the kids my whole self even when I am with them.
So, the envy is not so much about having more than one kid but the fact that, that parents with single kids are able to give those kids their whole attention, whereas in having to nurture two tender hearts, I am always trying to make sure neither feels particularly ignored. Thus, I am never able to give my children what parents of one kid can. All my attention.
(I will be further elaborating on these feelings in upcoming posts)