It’s 6:20 a.m. Late by my new standards because I would ideally like to wake up at 5:30 a.m. But you won’t find me complaining much. Wait…no you might just find me complaining a little. I like this time of the morning when I get to write, when I get to sometimes contort my reluctant body into motion from a night of relative stillness, when I get to brew some coffee, place it on a little candle warmer that I bought over a decade ago when I lived in Tennessee, and try to get my ideas, thoughts, and words to make some sense.
I used to say that I am not a morning person but two kids and months of disrupted nights and days planned around them later, I realized that mornings, no matter how challenging the struggle, are really the only time for me to be at least somewhat creative. There are the evenings of course, after the kids go to bed, and I do write then but most of the time, I am so tired and ready to go to bed, even though I don’t, I can barely focus. Many evenings, even as we are watching TV, you’ll find me dozing off in our big and comfy chair. I know I can go to bed at 10:00 p.m. if I wanted to, but I don’t. I am a:
So…I wake up in the morning. I try and get a walk on some days, other days I try to write, and still others, as previously mentioned, I try to do some stretches and leg circles, hoping that the 20 extra pounds I am carrying from having kids will somehow magically disappear with each downward dog or surya namaskar.
The following is a live picture of me as I write, in this moment. However, don’t trust it. A child could start crying any second, and that means that the writing will have to stop and I’ll have to go attend to them – the little one mostly. Thankfully, my husband will almost always be there to attend to TJ.
I have ideas floating. I have things I need to do, non writing things too, but mostly writing things and I never feel like I have time to do them all.
I want to:
- Write blog posts more regularly.
- Scan the remaining pictures of my life in Japan using Photoscan. Thank goodness for this software!!
- Make an Excel sheet of blog posts, ideas, and schedules.
- Make an Excel sheet of linkys, days, and commenting schedules – I learned it works better for me if I schedule a day to read others’ posts and write comments. Of course, there are some people who’s posts I want to read as soon as they hit my Inbox.
- Start typing or auto-typing my Japanese letters
- Plan weekly meals – I have NEVER done this but this remains an ideal goal I hope to start doing. When? Time will tell.
- Try to lose weight. Try again.
There are other things but these will suffice for now. It’s just that, no matter what time I wake up, I never feel like I have sufficient hours to complete what I set out to do. I am not complaining about having less hours in a day or 24 hours not being enough, although it does feel like that sometimes. With kids and my days packed with keeping them fed, slept, entertained, and alive, with some time strewn in for cooking and just a smattering of cleaning, I just don’t have much time for me.
Last night as I was working to finish my most recent post, Aaron casually commented that I seem to be blogging a lot! I was like, what!!…I had been writing that same post for a few days now (so what he sees is me writing, not posting…I guess that is technically still blogging) and it’s not just writing anything and hitting ‘Publish’. There’s editing, okay, I don’t do a lot of it, but I at least do a few read overs in trying to keep my words to maybe 1200-1300. I know that, that is really high for a blog post but readers can stop reading anytime. Really. I won’t be offended. I won’t even know. My blog is my space, my diary, it is my life’s archive. A memory bank, if you will. If I need to rant and write a little or more, that is my choice. Don’t you think?
Then, there are the pictures, need to copyright the ones that are mine, need to blur faces. I could have done a better job at blurring them if I was on a different laptop that has Photoshop but the one I am using currently doesn’t so I am bound by its limitations. If I don’t have pictures, then I have to look for royalty-free ones, download them, place them in the right places. Then, there are the categories, tags, making sure email readers can only see a part of the post so they have the choice to click to read further or not, instead of filling their email space with my life’s adventures and sometimes I just forget to do that too…then there is the social media part of the post…it’s a decent amount of work. Thankfully, I enjoy it but it surely is not as simple as write and send.
Anyway, I am not even sure what got me started on this post. As you can see below, there are several posts in different stages of writing still sitting in my drafts that need my attention but not all of them are time sensitive so I’ll get to them when I can. Meanwhile, as life takes on one day at a time, new events and activities compel me to prioritize their sharing.
What do you know…it is 7:07 a.m. and I am still here…nope, it didn’t take me 50 minutes to write 900 words…I wrote a whole another 300 of them but realized they were a better fit for a different post and gave them their new home in a new draft post. Meanwhile, after some stirring, the kids are still asleep. Husband too, or at least, he is upstairs, quietly browsing his iPad, no..I think he is awake but laying motionless in bed so as not to wake the little one up while watching TJ’s video feed.
Just so you know…THIS never happens. TJ wakes up by 6:30 a.m. and Aaron is fighting to get him to brush his teeth or change his night clothes (on weekdays) or just brush his teeth (on weekends)…yesterday, the kid came down without having brushed his teeth and still in his PJs but that was totally okay because he was missing his grandparents and just wanted a hug from Mommy…then I just let him rest on the couch and watch his favorite, ‘Cars’.
Okay, so just as I wrote this, TJ sat up. When I went upstairs, Aaron was already coming out of our room to go to TJ’s so with that taken care of, I am back at the desk…and guess what, the kid and dad come right downstairs….go brush your teeth!! (About that…I have learned that a lot of people here don’t brush their teeth until AFTER breakfast. What’s up with that? You don’t eat right away so the question of toothpasty flavors influencing your breakfast foods does not make sense.)
Anyway, I have to get going. Life’s larger questions beckon..hmm..what to make for breakfast….?
Pohe, it is. For me, anyway. Aaron will eat some too. TJ…sigh…will eat cereal…not that there is anything wrong with that, except me feeling like a failure in not raising a kid to appreciate one of my favorite Indian breakfast foods…will save that self-loathing for another day.