People always talk about how the moment they laid their eyes on this newborn child, they felt an intense love-at-first-sight kind feeling, the butterflies and stars feeling of falling head over heals in love with their child. Honestly, I don’t remember what I was feeling when I first held TJ. I remember everything about that moment, those early minutes, that early peek into each others’ eyes but I just don’t remember how I felt emotionally.
TJ was on the smaller side at 6 lbs 12 oz and he fit neatly into my arms like it was meant to be. He hadn’t started crying as soon as he was born so I remember the first thing I said after he was out was, “Why isn’t he crying yet?”. As soon as they suctioned the gunk out of his breathing passage, he started wailing, which was awesome! I remember him being cleaned up, bundled loosely in the quintessential hospital blanket – the white one with blue and pink lines – and handed over to me for skin to skin which I did right away. I held him to my breast and he started slow suckling like he was born to suck. I never had a problem with his latch. I had problems producing enough milk but that’s a different discussion. Read related posts here.
From that day on, my love for my son grew gradually but quickly. These days, that love is increasing even more exponentially as he is more capable of reciprocating that love with his very generous hugs and kisses.
TJ turned 2 recently and what a beautiful two year old I have in my arms these days! In the last few weeks, he has become very attached to me. I love hearing his ‘Maammi, Maammi’ or ‘Mimi Mimi’ sounds which is what he calls me. I love when he walks into the kitchen, holds my hand, and leads me to his toys to show his latest antics. He is so much more animated now, so much more communicative – even though he does not speak much, he is picking up a lot of words and makes himself understood through the few words and many non-verbals he uses with ease and expertise.
He loves his trucks, trains, and cars and enjoys playing with his dumptruck the most. He also has a fire truck that my sister gifted him and he loves it too. He loves Thomas the Train books, toys, and apparel. While we did introduce him to those toys, to be fair, we did introduce him to many other different kinds of toys too, but these are the ones that clearly made a mark on him. He loves stickers. I bought a bunch of Thomas and Dr. Seuss stickers recently and he loves them both.
I watch with joy and pride as my little baby picks up new things everyday, new mannerisms, ways of doing things, words and inflections, grins and grimaces…everyday I watch with wonder as this little bean I gave birth to morphs into his own person. I know what he likes and doesn’t, what things scare him and what don’t, what makes him smile, what makes him giggle in delight with gutteral sounds that are hard to resist, what makes him laugh with sheer abandoned joy, and so on. I love being his mother and I am so so so in love with this little kid, growing a bit everyday.
Yesterday, was the due date for Baby # 2 but there is no sign of her yet. We scheduled an induction for next week. Being a second born, I have always been sympathetic of the potential for a certain “diluted” love toward kids following the first born. I always, jokingly, complained about being the middle child/not first-born who wasn’t as loved as the first one although I know that my parents love all of us sisters tremendously and without distinction. However, I do get what it might be to love one child like no other and then another arrives and you don’t share that love because love doesn’t exist in limited finite quantities, you grow more love because that’s the beauty of love, the more you give, the more there is to keep giving.