Settling in

san-jose-1217812_1920It’s been almost two months since we moved to San Jose and we are settling in. Aaron started work last month and has been adapting to his new work. Meanwhile, I am adapting to life as a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM).

The first week that A started work and I had to be home all day with J, I was a wreck by Friday. I was so not prepared for that week. Every day seemed more exhausting than the other. Not physically, just emotionally. While I obviously loved spending time with J, I was at a loss for what to do with him all day. We went for walks a couple of days but what after? Just going by his schedule, around him all day, waiting for A to get home – not the life I signed up in my mind. I had a really bad weekend just mulling over all the things that I had sacrificed to move to SJ having given up my job. I got an advanced degree never EVER imagining that I would be spending my life as a SAHM. It was depressing, not from a mother’s perspective as in emerging from the fact that I am a mother but more so from, a professional perspective – for a loss – a loss of identity – a loss of a sense of self – a loss of who I am outside of being a mother and a wife.

The second and third weeks got better as A started taking public transportation more often and I got access to the car. I really miss the freedom that Chicago offered – the freedom to just walk anywhere without the need for a car. This city makes you car dependent. Thankfully, we live close to a park and trail so I am able to take J out every once in a while when it isn’t so sunny as to burn our skin.

In our second week together, I took J to the Happy Hollow Zoo & Park. It was my first time driving by myself and was impressed by the fact that I was able to pull it off. I never had much of an opportunity to drive in Chicago simply because I didn’t need to. Public transportation was fantastic! We had such a fun time and I really started to get into spending time with J. He is such an adorable child, growing up so splendidly, learning so much, taking in so much, communicating so much…everyday and honestly I am loving it!!

Last week, we went to the zoo again. We also went shopping and to my doctor’s appointment. It is an absolute delight to spend all this precious time with J and I can’t believe I was complaining about all this. Again, in my own defense, the argument was more for not having time for myself to do things I needed to do than spending time with J.

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